I'll never leave again, you are the only one.

Tonight I really missed him. It wasn't the normal ache that follows me like a shadow, it was in the forefront of my mind once again. I don't blame him for his decision. He was the best guy I have ever met, even to this day. The new girl is so lucky to have him by her side, she will feel like she can do anything, be anything because a boy who will give her everything he has is right there. I'm sorry I couldn't give him everything he wanted, I wish I could and if I could go back, I would. It seems in silences and in swells that nagging won't abate. It reminds me incessantly that I messed up. In the morning when I wake up and at night when I lie in bed, restless and heart shuddering, I think of him, of us. I'll always be waiting, always keep trying to make myself good enough. Maybe one day I'll make it, maybe one day all of these moments will mean something to someone other than me.