The boy who I named my blog after.

We like all the same things. Movies, music, friends, topics. One thing we don't share, is that I like him, and he doesn't like me.

Functional relationships have never really been easy for me. I mean, I had an awesome childhood, but being in an all-girls school, the only person with a Y-chromosone in my house hold was my father, no male cousins and no male friends. Then when I finally met a guy, he broke me. So from then on, it was hard for me to trust guys. But I was trying.

I knew him for a year before I realised I liked him. Made him cupcakes on his birthday like I did for everyone, but that was before I knew him, really knew who he was apart from a name. He sat in the group, everyone underneath this tree and I didn't notice him. When we came back to school after the holidays, that's when I noticed.

He was the guy who I always wanted. He was tall, big shoulders, he wasn't afraid to fight with me, and I was comfortable around him. Of course there was the problem of one of his best mates hated any girls who came near his "best buds". Basically they were a threesome of a non-sexual kind but these guys were inseperable. It took months, and finally he came around, we would help each other in class. Well not really help each other, he helped me. And all the while my guy was dropping hints.

He played the guitar, I screeched more than sang, but all the while, I was hopeful that maybe there was something beneath the statement, "We should do some recording together." Looking back on that it sounds kind of seedy, but this guy, he was just as nervous around girls as I was around guys. Of course I made some mistakes, I probably "play-punched" him too much, and part of that was repressed anger, but I liked him so much and I didn't know what to do.

One thing that made me sure I liked him, and I'm pretty sure it goes for all girls, is when I watched Star Wars for him. I actually kind of liked it, but I'd still go with Supernatural any day. We would talk about where I was in the movies, spent hours trying to descipher whether Movie 1 was actually Movie 4, but as soon as we figured out where I was, he could explain everything, minute by minute. He said that maybe we should watch them together one day. I thought it was a good sign, maybe not.

There was something about this boy, I mean, he gave me butterflies, but he didn't realise that half the school liked him. He knew his way around computers, watched nerdy japanese cartoons like me and played the same video games as me. Maybe we were too similar.

I was finally gaining confidence around boys, I was okay with them sitting behind me, or standing when I was sitting down and I was generally fine around them. He was the reason for that. For that I thank him.

His best mate told me not to tell him. He knew what would happen. But I did anyway, that's when things turned to shit. He treated me like a child. I hate to feel like I have no control, I hate to be so helpless, but I thought he liked me back, he was dropping hints and apparently that was just him being friendly. I always wondered if his friends ever told him things about me that I wished I could have told him myself. I guess there are just a lot of maybes in this and MAYBE one day, he might tell me what I did wrong. Maybe