Losing my Religion.

I think the most telling thing now, is that I am still unwilling to do this. I want to say I made the right decision. I want to say that without a doubt this was my decision. I want to say that no matter what, I know this was the thing to do. I can't say any of these things. I can't know the right decision. I will have to make another mistake, the pile will creep ever closer right back to where I started. Either way, there are feelings I don't want to face. I need to make a choice, I can't keep daydreaming in class, I need to believe I can do both. If I can't, I let something go and I can't give up what I have wanted since I can remember. I know my decision, I just don't want to make it. It's easier to fix other people's problems. If I could go back I know what I would tell myself. I know I would tell myself not to go to school that day, I would tell myself not to trust her, I would have said goodbye. But everyone knows the past, the present and the future? That's up to us. If only we knew.