Incoherently typing words on a page.

The hardest thing is not being able to talk about it. It's not mine to tell you see. I can't explain to people why I am tired, why I've been up at strange hours and in stressful situations, why my mind is otherwise occupied most of the time. It's devastating to feel helpless, to not be able to lay it all out on the table when I am most commonly an open book. 
To compensate for the lack of sleeping, there is coffee. It keeps my mind running, which is rather necessary for quick response time but it makes it so my body doesn't receive any respite. When I finally do get time to sleep, the pulses in my head keep going, conveyor belts run so rapidly along that I can't seem to catch the stop button. 
There is so much I have to do, exams, assignments, test and yet what's really more important? Those or something much less trivial? Worse still, how can I do all of these things and function semi normally without proper food? Consistent meals times are impossible and there's no one to help me, I am the helper to everyone else. I feel responsible for things that are illogical and I'm running myself ragged trying to keep up. When will the disorientation stop and sanity begin?
It will begin when someone else is ready to tell their own story, hopefully it won't be too much longer. Even if it is to continue as it currently is, I have a pretty good success rate of surviving the waves.

I know you'll be a star in someone else's sky.

Staying friends with an ex is really hard. Scratch that. It is nigh on impossible to remain friends with an ex. Especially when there are still feelings, at least on one end.

People move on at different rates. For some, it takes a few weeks, some a lifetime. Is there a mandatory waiting period? An acceptable recovery time? How do you know when its okay to start looking? And what if you don't go looking, what if someone finds you?

There are some feelings to expect when going through this process. There's a feeling in particular that I can shed some light on. A way to describe it is having a vortex located in your chest. It feels like you're inhaling water instead of air. When you see the smile of the person you love and you know, you know deep down inside that someone else causes that smile now. Someone else calls them their partner. Someone else calls them home.

I've never lied about the fact that I still love him. Whenever I am asked, I say that it's still there. I love him for showing me all the things that he has. He showed me what it felt like to trust the person you're with, what it felt like to be protected. He showed me what real love was and now he's showing someone else.

We make choices that we regret, that we wish we could take back, but life doesn't work like that. We can't go back and re-record like we used to on old video tapes. I know that we made what was probably the right choice but just because something is right, doesn't mean it's easy.