Is it better than keeping my mouth shut? That goes without saying.

I wish I could go back. I wish I could go back and change how things ended. It's stupid and silly and I can't believe I'm writing this, after all the crap we went through but I still miss him sometimes, like when I see a Rubik's cube or when someone mentions a viola. I thought that after the smoke cleared and everything was quiet I would feel at peace, I thought that I would be able to let go. I could never be friends, never see him again because I know what would happen, either I would end up crying or I would make sure he was. There are a million things that I would love to have cleared up but I can't risk it, I can't risk letting him back in. He's happy with the new girl and he has every right to be. I'm going to be happy one day, I don't think it will be because of a boy though.