Can you lie next to her and give her your heart?

Apparently I have to start thinking about N. If I ever want to get better, if I ever want to have a normal relationship I need to stop being afraid. They told me that I need to think about N, to start picturing his face to take away his power. How am I supposed to picture his face when even his name makes me petrified? I knew I shouldn't have told them that the dreams came back but I thought it was a just a thing to say in passing, not that they would latch on to it and make me regret ever saying a word. 
So I need to picture N, I have to hope that this works otherwise it will take me to the edge. That's why I don't want to go to sleep, in case the dreams are worse after talking about them. The sad thing is, if I fall asleep and the dreams come back I can't wake myself up.
They always said it was going to be hard, I thought that if I kept myself busy while working through it, it might help. I have support but is that enough to keep the Dark Days away?