But I cannot move the mountains for you.

I want there to be an intermediate level, a level where we can be friends and I don't feel the light leaving my eyes, a level where I don't feel terrible for thinking of you. I saw one of your friends last night and I waved. I stupidly waved, thinking that's someone I know, best be friendly. Then I started thinking about you and all the girls in the food court looked like her. I get home and on to Facebook and one of your friends is engaged to her. 
I want to be your friend. I want for this not to hurt anymore, that's not going to happen though so I need to be realistic. I believe that you never stop loving someone, that person may change and you don't love who they are now but at one point in your life, they were the only thing you needed and the only thing you wanted. 
I want different things now, I'm working all the time so I can leave here, so I can choose things for myself, so shadows don't follow me wherever I go. I believe that one day things won't hurt so much, one day I will be able to let go of what hurt me and I will be whole again. 
You were one of my hardest goodbyes and I look for you everywhere, I think of you all the time and I still want you, I just don't want you the way that you were hoping. 
We were never meant to be friends. Your exes and currents are all friends, I won't join that circle because I feel like I am being ripped apart to know you loved them the same way you loved me. 
My life is going well now, I know where I am heading and I know what is expected of me, I'm not second guessing everything, wondering if it's alright by you. It's time to put some things to rest and I couldn't do that when I was with you, I couldn't go through the bad memories and still be able to hug you or even hold your hand.
I hear she is lovely, so be happy with what you have, don't look back on what is lost, it just makes things more painful. I love it when I get to hear from you but that is not my place anymore, I'm different now and I'm not the girl you fell in love with. I'm not opinionated like I used to be, I am mostly a calm person, I've lost my spark and I don't really want it back. I just want to sleep.