Already gone.

How long do waiting periods last? When do we decide to give up and when do we decide to fight? I guess the biggest thing is when you are alone, do you miss them? Do you wish you could call them and just hear their voice? But it's not fair to them if you can't make a decision. It's not fair for you to go back on what you wanted. The best idea is never to enter into it in the first place, even if you really want to, because it's not about what you want, it's about what you both want together. It's already two days in, five more to go and I'm already wishing I could talk to him again, to be around him again, but I need to give myself time, to make sure I don't do something I regret.

I watch too many soppy movies, I didn't expect this to be easy, I didn't expect much of this, I thought I was heading into something that would be simple, that I would just know. I don't know a thing. Last time all it took was some liquid courage for me to realise what I wanted. That didn't work this time, I still don't know and I don't think it's fair for him to have to put up with this, but then again, why hasn't he stood up and said enough? I'm not good at any of this, I'm not sure what protocol I should follow. I have people telling me their opinions and it's like when you play heads or tails, the result of the toss isn't important, when you realise you want the other way, that's what really matters.

It isn't a simple yes or no. You accept consequences with your choice. I just don't know if I am ready to accept mine.