When the fire burns out here, it's brighter than the city lights.

I lost myself for a little while there, I couldn't reach out or say anything. I felt the nothingness invade and capture any thoughts of recovery. That is not who I am and that is not what I believe in but for a moment it felt like if I stopped fighting, everything would be okay, I would just be able to fade, to heal myself in my own way, nothing would collapse and things would just continue. It's hard when people call this giving up, when they say we are selfish and cowards. We are allowed to have moments of doubt, we can wonder about where we are taking ourselves, what troubles we might be able to avoid like pot holes. These are experiences that make us stronger and their judgements are just that. They are peoples personal calls and yes, they hurt and they scar but that is not who we are and that should have no say in who we become. We choose where we go, we make decisions based on what is right for us. We don't all have the same problems so there is no one size fits all in coping. There are some things that we have to go through alone, others can only make decisions for you until you stand up and you take responsibility and you will get it wrong, you will mess up and you will hurt somebody, but if you can get through all of the bad stuff, there is something worth it on the other side.