Ain't No Reason.

We do it everyday. We walk through life but the ghosts of our past follow us every step of the way, reminding us of times we would rather forget. They touch every part of our lives, how we respond to people, whether we look both ways when we cross the road, how long we keep our hand in the fire before we pull away. It is expected that we are hesitant in situations that scare us, but what if these situations are the basis of life? What if at the end of our lives, we play a tape of all the things we have suffered through, the times that we have hurt and we didn't fight when we needed to and we didn't show ourselves respect? I can say all these words now, that I would never let him touch me again, I would never let him near me, but when his ghost breathed life today I shut my eyes and tried to run away, hoping above all hope that he would just let me pass. I'm getting stronger and maybe one day I could smile at him and know that he was nothing to me, that I had faced more than he could comprehend to be able to get to the point where I forgave him. Right now I can't see it ever happening, but maybe one day. My father told me that these things are not about being fair, they're about winning, that one day he will pay for what happened. My mother says Karma will catch up with him. I used to hope that something much more terrible would find him first. My mother believes Karma comes when there is nothing we can do ourselves, my father believes that we control our own fates, I don't know what I believe anymore, all I know is that there is no reason for what happened, it just did and one day I will be able to face it. As I have written before, he has my fear but not my fate.