I want to change the world, instead I sleep

There are some days I wish I could just go to sleep, stop fighting the tides, even just for a minute, but I know if I stop, I wont wake up. I can never give up, because if I do there is nothing left. I let myself go once, I just stopped fighting, but not only did the hurting stop, everything else stopped too. Must I try to compete, compose, correct and conquer everything? There is no turning back to simpler times, a grown up cannot play in a nursery. But maybe if I just close my eyes.

I woke up, but nothing is the same, no one talks to me, speaks to me, acknowledges me. They pass through me, not a flinch. I pick myself up and move along. Being treated like a ghost when you aren't one is exceedingly terrible. All I can do is pretend, just like them. I changed my hair, blonde and long, I ate less and withered away, I quietend, no one was interested anyway, but one thing did not change. There was still pain, even though they began to see me.They saw me as nothing more than a number, a member of the elite, with no power, no say and no feeling. I believe the term is you dont know what you've got till its gone. So what if they hated me. At least they knew I had something to feel, not just an empty shell, maybe they were so angered by monotony that I was to be cackled at because of their feelings of unease.

Times change and people grow, but how to fit in you never know, keep your eyes closed, don't let them see, how much they hurt darling, you and me.