Leave out all the rest.

Individual events are easy to judge. If there are no emotional attachments you know exactly what to do, but as soon as feelings get involved all rational reasoning is out the window, though I still always have a sense of what to do, that is til those three words come into play.

It starts with the simple things, you let them get away with staying out nights, hanging out with those girls they KNOW you hate, cancelling plans, you just let it go because in your eyes, you think that since they said the "committment" words that they will be faithful to only you and hey, maybe with some guys that's how it works but the majority, they have different standards.

The next words to come out are the "I think that we could go long term." Those babies really make it hard. You let go the looks at other girls and their gender specific body parts, the you know you would look better if's and the his girl lets him thats, when really that stuff should not go unpunished.

Some girls wake up at the next intersection and get out of the obviously malignant band wagon, others go into a marriage that was never meant to be and then the step further think it's their fault 20 years down the track and he's been having an affair since the dawn of the relationship and maybe partially they are to blame. All the changes start after those three little words. Well there is an appropriate response to that eight letter phrase, same amount of letters too. Go To Hell.

I lost my fear of falling.

The tightrope snaps. Falling through the air everything came back, what it was like before, what it is now. I seem to stop like everything is moving through a thick mollases with no hope of defiance. You can see everything that is happening but you have no hope of stopping it, eventually you will fall victim to the abyss. You just have to make the choice as to whether you let them take you or you go down fighting.

I'm coming back.

There are several things I wish to say. I want to say that I'm close to a break down. I want to say that everything is so complicated that I can't see straight anymore. I want to say that just because you can't see the break it doesn't mean its broken. Things don't make sense at the moment, it's like everything I see is distorted in some way, like I can't decipher something that I created. Welcome to the Danger Days.

Like I did yesterday.

When did everything change so drastically that it seems impossible to imagine how you got here? A life can change in weeks, in days and in minutes. Things fall apart, we find reasons and explanations that sometimes we never wanted to know. People hide all of the things that hurt them and sometimes it is those things and those things only that can heal them to. Emotional change is always an uprooting of all we don't like in ourselves, what we don't like in others and what we realise we can no longer live without. A woman with weeks to live chooses to go sky diving, a man with years of his life left decides to take it and a child never really knew what terminal was until the very end.
As a society we generally don't take notice of others problems, instead we spend all our time absorbed with our day to day dealings. One day someone will reach out to you, all you have to do is make sure you're willing to listen.

Just pull the trigger.

It's hard to describe, hearing the word again, hearing the word he dedicated to me. I can't hear it without extreme inner turmoil. It's not like hearing a pet name like Baby or Love, it's like hearing all your memories at once, all the bad ones. I wish I could say he doesn't even cross my mind, well to be completely fair I don't think it's specifically him anymore, I think it's more what he did that haunts me, to the inner most recesses of my mind, that someone could make me feel so helpless, disgusting and ripped to shreds. Some things will take time to heal, not like a broken leg, some take lifetimes. That one word will be with me forever. It's his word. 

And even though the world keeps turning round.

She was waiting for him, she would never admit it but she was. She was waiting for that person, the one to make her life complete. She wanted to believe that she could make it on her own, that she could have everything and not need anyone to be there to hold her or make her feel safe, after all we should be self sufficient. She wanted to be completely solitary but that was then.

She grew reliant on him, the one thing she swore she would never be. She wanted to know what he was doing, who he was with and if he even missed her. She knew the road she was heading down, the bit where he wasn't part of her life, she was just a miniscule section of his and that without him she wasn't important. Dependence is something that should be avoided at all costs. Once the ball starts rolling there's not much you can do to stop it.

It was no suprise that he left her. She wasn't what he wanted anymore. She couldn't understand how she got from one stage of her life where she was respected, opinionated and held in high esteem to this blubbering needy mess that was all alone. That wasn't what she wanted. The thing is that to get back is twice as hard as the last time, so we stay and we fight, but what are we fighting for? Most people would say you are fighting to regain your pecial someone. But really, it's a fight for yourself. Who are you going to let win?

The day you left was just my beginning.

Something was brought to my attention today. Falling out of love is something that we all must suffer, but it is important to realise, there are two sides.

We don't find the one we love straight away. There are mishaps, casualties and complete and utter mistakes but when you do find that person, the one who it hurts to be away from, that is everything. There is a person who you feel you need, someone you wish would be with you forever and then one day they decide they don't want you. The problem with this is that you still need them. You know you can't call them, but that doesn't mean you don't want to. You know that if you see them it hurts more and that they don't care. Falling out of love is a thing between two people even if one doesn't care anymore.

I remember a point in my life where I thought that I was completely alone and because he didn't love me anymore that there was something I did, the way I looked and the things I liked which made him want to get away from me. I thought that because he wasn't there that I shouldn't be either. It feels like there is nothing else, that nothing is complete, nothing even resembles a layout plan. There are no words. You start to question if they ever loved you in the first place and most of the time they didn't. But which hurts more that he loved and left or that he just left? Maybe both.

Falling out of love is something that we all must suffer, but it's important to realise that today may have been the worst day in your life but tomorrow may be the best, you just have to get there.